Thursday, September 22, 2016

Formal Email

To: Brad Franklin Blackstone

From: Chong Hui Yee

Subject: Hui Yee’s Introduction

Dear Brad,

I am writing this email to introduce myself. My name is Chong Hui Yee a year one student from Telematics. I am an alumni of Ngee Ann Polytechnic majoring in Electronics and Computer Engineering.

Some may know that I am originally not from this programme, Telematics, but from ICT (Information and Communication Technology Security). The reason I chose not to continue with that programme was because I could not cope with the amount of projects given to us. Although I was mentally prepared but I gave up after experiencing the immense stress.
The most exciting time of my life was during my secondary school period, when I was still in the basketball CCA. In the past, I use to think that it was a dread staying back from training but now thinking back I felt incredible sense of fulfillment. I might not be a great player but I enjoyed the time spent with my teammates and my coach. I have learnt most of my life value from basketball. I have not been playing basketball since then as I had started working part-time during my polytechnic years. However, I have decide to start playing again this year by joining our very own first female basketball team in SIT.
I am currently working part-time at Hard Rock Café Sentosa as a server. I started this job about 3 years ago and I am still loving the working environment. I get to interact with people from all around the world and it never fails to interest me.
Thank you for reading my introduction, I hope that though this email you will have better understanding for me.

Your Sincerely,
Chong Hui Yee
Telematics Student
Singapore Institution of Technology

Revised on 30 September 2016

4 comments:

  1. Dear Hui Yee,

    I enjoy reading your blog and i understand that it's pretty difficult to work and study at the same time as i am also working part time as well, so do manage your time well. It would be good if you can tell us your goals for studying in telematics and your aim for the future.

    Regards,
    Jia Wei

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Jia Wei,

      Thank you for you time and effort for the review.
      I appreciate you help.

      From
      Hui Yee

      Delete
  2. This is a very rich self intro, Hui Yee, as you share with us about your background and experience. You have had a number of important experiences, from what you have written, including as a member of your school basketball club, here at SIT as a student of ICT and now as a part-time worker at Hard Rock Cafe. I can see that each has positively informed your learning journey (even the stress of ICT). I hope that the telematics program will be equally rewarding, and even more positive!

    Here are a couple language issues that are worth considering as you move forward:

    1) My name is Chong Hui Yee, I am a year one student from Telematics. >>> (comma splice/run on sentence)

    2) the amount of project >>> (wrong word / lack of plural) the number of projects

    3) Although I was mentally prepared it however I gave up after experiencing the immense stress. >>> (sentence structure)

    4) ...when I still in the basketball CCA. >>> (sentence structure: missing tensed verb)

    5) verb tense errors:

    --- ...but I enjoy the time spent.... >>>
    --- I had learnt most of my life value ... >>>
    --- I had started working part-time.... >>>

    Let's work on this as we continue the term. I appreciate all your hard work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Brad,

      I appreciate your time and effort for the comment. I will strongly take note it.
      Thank you very much.

      Regards,
      Hui Yee

      Delete