From: Chong Hui Yee
Subject: Hui Yee’s Introduction
Dear Brad,
I am writing this email to introduce myself. My name is Chong Hui Yee a year one student from Telematics. I am an alumni of Ngee Ann Polytechnic majoring in Electronics and Computer Engineering.
Some may know that I am originally not from this programme,
Telematics, but from ICT (Information and Communication Technology Security). The
reason I chose not to continue with that programme was because I could not cope
with the amount of projects given to us. Although I was mentally prepared but I gave up after experiencing the immense stress.
The most exciting time of my life was during my secondary school
period, when I was still in the basketball CCA. In the past, I use to think that it
was a dread staying back from training but now thinking back I felt incredible
sense of fulfillment. I might not be a great player but I enjoyed the time spent
with my teammates and my coach. I have learnt most of my life value from
basketball. I have not been playing basketball since then as I had started
working part-time during my polytechnic years. However, I have decide to start
playing again this year by joining our very own first female basketball team in
SIT.
I am currently working part-time at Hard Rock Café Sentosa
as a server. I started this job about 3 years ago and I am still loving the working
environment. I get to interact with people from all around the world and it
never fails to interest me.
Thank you for reading my introduction, I hope that though
this email you will have better understanding for me.
Your Sincerely,
Chong Hui Yee
Telematics Student
Singapore Institution of Technology
Revised on 30 September 2016
Dear Hui Yee,
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading your blog and i understand that it's pretty difficult to work and study at the same time as i am also working part time as well, so do manage your time well. It would be good if you can tell us your goals for studying in telematics and your aim for the future.
Regards,
Jia Wei
Dear Jia Wei,
DeleteThank you for you time and effort for the review.
I appreciate you help.
From
Hui Yee
This is a very rich self intro, Hui Yee, as you share with us about your background and experience. You have had a number of important experiences, from what you have written, including as a member of your school basketball club, here at SIT as a student of ICT and now as a part-time worker at Hard Rock Cafe. I can see that each has positively informed your learning journey (even the stress of ICT). I hope that the telematics program will be equally rewarding, and even more positive!
ReplyDeleteHere are a couple language issues that are worth considering as you move forward:
1) My name is Chong Hui Yee, I am a year one student from Telematics. >>> (comma splice/run on sentence)
2) the amount of project >>> (wrong word / lack of plural) the number of projects
3) Although I was mentally prepared it however I gave up after experiencing the immense stress. >>> (sentence structure)
4) ...when I still in the basketball CCA. >>> (sentence structure: missing tensed verb)
5) verb tense errors:
--- ...but I enjoy the time spent.... >>>
--- I had learnt most of my life value ... >>>
--- I had started working part-time.... >>>
Let's work on this as we continue the term. I appreciate all your hard work!
Dear Brad,
DeleteI appreciate your time and effort for the comment. I will strongly take note it.
Thank you very much.
Regards,
Hui Yee